Manglish pls

I wish to learn to speak politely like an ang mo gentleman so I can kao lui easily. Seriously, I also get attracted by how they talk to ladies. Imagine those Asian chicks with ang-mo-is-better-than-asian-guys and ang-mo-is-the-best mindset... These girls will go straight to bed with them.

On the other hand, I really hate some of the ways ang mo talk.

1. "No offense, but..."

Ridiculous. If u're gonna say something that's gonna offend someone eventually, just say it. What for wanna hint someone before offending him/her. It's just like hiding a thousand pounds underneath your bed and putting up a notice on top of your bed saying "there's no 1000 pounds underneath my bed". Use that to cheat stupid girls can la...
ang mo : no offense, but ur ass is fat.
ang-mo-is-the-best chick : thanks (yay i'm hot!)

2. "It's like... it's like... it's like..."

Bloody hell. What is it? Straight to the point pls. Sometimes u can finish a sentence with 5 words ok, not 25 words with 10 "it's like's".

3. "Sort of... sort of..."

-_- When you explain something, pls be precise. Using "sort of" means u dun know shit, or shyte, or whatever. You're just talking cock or trying to make up something. Like u people say, it's just bollocks. If u ever answer questions this way to my CSU doctors back in IMU, you'll cry for mummy after that.

4. "To be honest, ..."

What? So you're dishonest all this while? Freak, so when am I supposed 2 believe you?
Ang mo : To be honest, you look really hawt tonight.
Ang-mo-is-the-best chick : Tank kew! (Tears of joy)
Idiot. Maybe u look like shit other than that night.

5. "It's Friday afternoon..." or "It's Monday morning..."

So your working mood only starts after 2pm on Monday and ends at 12pm on Friday. No wonder you have like 50% of obese people in your population and a junk of people with alcoholic liver disease. So what if it's Monday morning or Friday afternoon? You're paid to work. Wake up.

6. "..., u know, ..., u know, ..."

I don't know. I don't live with you. Who the hell knows.


Ok, enough of my dulan-ness. I still prefer Manglish, straight to the point, no cock-talking.


No offense but, I think your sandwich sucks. It's like, u know...it's like...something that only cow eats. It's like... a piece of bread, sort of being filled by sort of a disgusting piece of raw vege. It's like...to be honest, I would prefer sort of rice, u know, with cooked vege and sort of oriental-cooked meat, u know.

Cut the crap.

I hate sandwich. I love Chinese food.